If I Had to Do It All Again, I Wouldn't Go To College
Psych.
Yes, I would. I just wanted to get you in here.
Sorry, I hate clickbait too, but I need you to read this.
A better title would’ve been "College Do-Overs: What I'd Change If I Could Turn Back Time"
My senior year of high school was not nice to me. I dated one guy from eighth grade to my junior year of high school who was my sole focus besides playing sports. When this relationship ended, my 17-year-old heart thought it would never recover. Jealousy, anger, and revenge took over my soul, spread its way through my senior year, and spearheaded its way into my first few years in college. Let’s just say, it was absolutely not pretty and I do not recommend letting those emotions drive your decisions.
No, this one relationship didn’t bulldoze me into destruction, there were multiple other factors. Friendships, intimate relationships, and selfish decisions to name a few, but I do remember it being the beginning of it all.
I went rogue from my senior year to my junior year of college. I built up a lot of shame, guilt, and embarrassment that I continued to carry with me halfway into my twenties, all because I didn’t know how to heal from hurt. Self-control was not even in my vocabulary at this point. I was more so focused on revenge, idolatry, and self-absorption all while having the goal to be the life of the party.
I didn’t have a strong foundation. I wasn’t focusing on the most important relationship.
It is hard to sit with the decisions I made. If I am being honest, sometimes I wonder what people think of me now but, as I turn 30 this year, I can see and appreciate all of the grace and mercy the Lord met me with through my early adulthood and how much He rerouted the trajectory of my life. I was not heading down a good path.
I may not know everything about the Bible, nor will I ever pretend to, but what I do know is that God has consistently shown up for me and I need to share that with the world. I know that He will always bring me wisdom to go into the next season of life. I wish I had realized that, of all the relationships I was chasing, the one that mattered most was my relationship with Jesus. Diving into the Word and learning how to live my life for Christ has changed everything for me. Even though I went down a path of disobedience for some time, God rerouted my heart and brought me right back to Him.
This part of my life has already been lived, but if I could go back and give my former self three pieces of advice in college, here is what I would tell her:
1. Protect your modesty
Before going off the deep end, modesty mattered to me. I wasn’t someone who cared to show off anything, nor act unlike myself for attention. I loved wearing sweatpants, long sweaters, and what even was a crop top? I was afraid of alcohol, staying out late, and was always thinking about my next basketball or volleyball game. After I felt many of these dark emotions for the first time, I switched sides and did the exact opposite of what made me comfortable. I began showing my body and craving the looks that I was receiving. I let all of the compliments and flirtatious actions fill my ego. My grades started slipping and so did my stats. Nothing positive came from me acting out of character. I knew it was wrong but just like Adam in Eve in the Garden of Eden, I let the enemy drive me into disobedience. For any young woman reading this, I promise that protecting your modesty will save you from shame, guilt, and emotional damage. How do you do that? Get in the Word and read all about the love God has for you. It’s amazing what changes when you realize just how loved you are by Him.
2. Spend quality, uninterrupted time with your parents (if the relationship is healthy) when you’re able to.
Look, I know being in college is a thrill, but you will never regret spending time with your parents on the weekends, during breaks, or even just having dinner once a month. I regularly think about the times that I chose to be with friends over my dad and so badly wish I could go back and change that. My dad was my world. Unfortunately, he passed away in 2021 from a short battle (from what we knew) with lung cancer. Guilt flooded my mind the first few years thinking about the times I put other meaningless things above time with him.
3. Treat EVERYONE kindly
Big emphasis on everyone here. I know some people may not be the kindest to you. They may say mean things, talk about you behind your back or treat you with very little respect. Don’t think this doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries, but, what I am saying is, that you will never look back and regret handling a situation with kindness and pure self-control. You may even be a good role model for those around you. Remember, as a Christian (if you are. If you’re not, just know Jesus loves you and wants a relationship with you), you are called to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind and to love others as yourself.
College was transformative for many reasons. It may not have been the most joyful time learning these lessons, but it was needed. I feel so much empathy for those who are between the ages of 17-24. It was such a confusing time in life. If you have similar experiences or just want to chat, please send me a message. I’d love to connect.
